"Yes, I know you are my only daughter. Yes, I know you would like to finish college. Yes, I know all you need is another grand for tuition. But daddy needs a 990! Uh, you wouldn't understand, it's just another one of daddy's black boxes with twinkly lights are far as you're concerned, but it's what keeps daddy in the basement and out of trouble....sometimes.......you don't want daddy to get in trouble, do you? I knew you'd understand, sweetie, now go get a loan or something"