Let's face it, folks... the boys of summer cost too much. That's why the fine folks at Outlaw have invented the:

INTERNATIONAL COMPETITION BASEBALL MONKEY.

Salary disputes? NOT A CHANCE! Outlaw's specially trained animal handlers have spent countless months teaching rhesus monkeys how to play baseball, so you don't have to! Using cutting edge electro-chemical shock conditioning, Outlaw's handlers have programmed each monkey with its own individual baseball personality, based on players from past and present. Our favorites:

Monkey #349: Babe Ruth -- Relive the good ole' days with our personal favorite baseball monkey. He can't throw or run very well, but boy can he hit. And as an added bonus, he likes to have lots of sex and smoke cigars, sometimes simultaneously!

Monkey #2112: Mark McGwire -- Built like a steroid-enhanced monkey freak, this little player can hit a ball like Ike hit Tina. And he won't take any guff off the Cubans, either!

Monkey #666: John Rocker -- Baseball has its embarrassments, and so do Outlaw's monkeys! This little bugger will pick and scratch constantly, all while cursing those doggone subway people. He's this month's special, and interested teams can own him for only $39.95!

OUTLAW -- BRINGING BASEBALL BACK TO THE PEOPLE!