A new Outlaw Challange

Ok Gents, I've been plagued with watching some horifyingly BAD films in my life, but this past month has caused me to question weither or not God hates me. I've seen Pearl Harbor, Scooby Doo, and Goldmember within three weeks...God help me.

So, my question is this: Can anyone name movies worse then these three. Seriously, my hope is that I've been able to hit the BOTTOM of the barrel. That I cannot POSSIBALLY go any lower in the cespool of celoloid then these three films. Or is there an even GREATER darkness then these three films represent.

Now there are some criteria to adhere to:

1. Must be a "major motion picture". No obscure bali-wood film is included.

2. Lenord Part 6 and Battlefield Earth are out of the running. Alread seen them, it wasn't anywhere NEAR as bad as these films.

3. No movie that seems to have been made specifically for Showtime (Wild Orchids 2, Virtual Encounters, Red Shoe Diaries, Hot Springs Hotel THE MOVIE!) may be concidered.

4. Cannot include any straight to video titles. (Uncle Sam, The Arival II, heck, the entire Troma library.)

Do your worst. I will track down these films and submit myself to the absolute horrors of any suggestions, submit myself to the excrutiating experiance that is these films, and see if any of them can top the crimes against humanity that those three films represent.

[This message has been edited by fmcorps (edited January 11, 2003).]

Got one - a movie I actually worked on - "Rollerball" (2001) - that one almost killed me off. The only good part is my credit at the end of the film - May I humbly suggest ingestion of a pitcher of Margaritas before pushing the play button


[This message has been edited by soundhound (edited January 11, 2003).]

Will it be a pitcher of margaretas, or a full leter of Bombay Saphire gin to make it watchable. It took the bottle for Goldmember.

Pluto nash! I actually stopped the movie before it was done and removed it from my player before it ruined any of my equipment, its that bad!



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m-mmeyer
GO TWINS
My DVD's

The same thing happened when I watched Pearl Harbor. The film is streatched out across two discs (lord only knows why). At the end of disc one I got a prompt that said "please insert disc 2". I decided that I had had enough and decided not to.

Jason

I have it:

OC and Stigs- bad 80s teen buddy flick; not even funny as satire

Van Wilder- not even funny as satire, either; how could national lampoon think it was even remotely amusing

Dying Young- vapid, horrendous romantic death movie- possibly the worst ever; I broke up with a woman over making me not only waste money on this move, but also waste 1:30 of my life on the movie.

Oh, there are many many worse moves than Peal Harbor, Goldmember, or Scooby Doo (not that those are good even at a far stretch of the word). Lilo and Stitch, WW and the Dixie Dance Kings (go Burt Reynolds go- others include Gator, another winner), Blair Witch II, I Come in Peace, ANY Steven Segal movie, Terror in Tiny Town, Rat Fink a BooBoo all top my list of horrible movies

Wait a minute! I like Steven Segal movies! Oh all right so he will never win an Oscar or maybe even be invited to an Oscar party but still, a little ass kicking is a guilty pleasure of mine!



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m-mmeyer
GO TWINS
My DVD's

Brother from another planet. TankGirl. I still haven't recovered.

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Stott

“Mullhand Drive”, “Pulp Fiction”, (although in this genre loved ‘Fargo’) “Titanic”, liked the SE’s - ship recreated contrasted to present condition, but pretty much could not stand the actors. “Fast and Furious”, played for the ‘car’ oriented theme here…but I could not stand the screenplay. Big disappointment also on Pearl Harbor. (and this one can get me in trouble…”Attack of the Clones”)

m-mmeyers: I can’t stand Segal, myself, I get very bad vibes from that actor, as if he would be creepy to hang out with in real life. But I can admire the talent (regardless of the poor ‘to English’ transfers, of any Bruce Lee film, there is no denying that guys sexuality and passion (obsession) for his craft, and I just plain ‘like’ anything with Jackie Chan, Chan is devishlish funny and dedicated/talented (although I fear for his life) best part of any JC movie…the out takes.

¾ of any first-run with a creature larger than a house as the featured topic.
99.9 percent of any 1st run SEQUAL…just seems practically impossible to ‘top’ the novelty and innovations of the first. Ex: Predator, Alien, Star Wars, Indianna Jones, Silence of the Lambs, Jurassic Park. Etc…..

My husband qualifes "Dumb & Dumber" as one of the worst movies he's ever seen. (I missed it thank goodness). I pretty much can't stand anything with Jim Carey in it.

I've got that hasn't been released yet - "Biker Boyz" I looked at the trailer, and if you'll pardon my rant, and as a responsible motorcycle enthusiast, I find it sickening and deplorable. Stereotypes abound, and I'm sure it's just going to feed the general population's bias that "motorcycles are bad". Trust me, people who ride motorcycles are nothing like what is represented in this piece of crap.

There, I feel better now

Just think of it this way, Reefer Madness was so bad at depicting Marajunia use, that I think it may have actually encouraged some people to take up the habit due to it's shear stupidity. It's alwasy fun to see the amount of backlash AGAINST the message being sent out in BAD PSA films.

Hannibal could be one of the all time worst hollywood films.

The Mothman Prophecies - my girlfriend and I laughed through the whole 3/4s of the movie that we actually got through.

Still in theaters: Star Trek: Nemesis - highly predictable!!

Under Seige was a fantasic stupid action flick. Other than that i totally agree that all other Steve S. movies were pretty bad (Glimmer Man?, who gave the green light to that one?)

I have to say the worst movie I have ever seen was Hugo Pool with Alisa Milano and Malcolm McDowell. This one should take the cake.

"Dune" -- no doubt!

"The King's Whore" with Timothy Dalton. Absolutely the worse acting, directing and editing of a film I have ever seen. Sorry i have to go and ....

I also forgot "The Cable Guy" that made the other two I mentioned look great.

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Stott

The worst movie of all time is "Knockoff" with Jean-Claude Van-Damme. None of the others can touch it. I heard he wasnt sober through the entire filming of it... and it shows. plus the guy playing the FBI charecter is so miscast. I took this disc to a cliff and through it over the edge.

For me it's a toss up between Fargo and Fight Club..oh wait......I forgot about Blair Witch.



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Play it LoUd!!

When I saw Blair witch there were rumors online that it might have been shot live ie:"real" so it was somewhat scary but when you know it is all fictional it is not scary and not good. IMO
The problem with Van Damme is that like Segal he can't act but unlike Segal, Van Damme is NOT a real martial artist. Segal is a 7th degree master in Aikido! I know that doesn't help his acting in anyway but I use it to justify my guilt.




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m-mmeyer
GO TWINS
My DVD's

Forgot Blair Witch! Excellent canidate.
I was one that when it made it to Sat. could not watch it for more than 5 min. Because of the notorious 'headache' effect of 'handheld' cam.

Cool as Ice
Spice Girls
Rocky V
Speed 2
18 Again
...

A movie from the mid 1970's (I think) called Nashville. It was a big film then, but I thought it was so bad I left the theater midway through it. A later attempt to watch it again had the same result.

Paul

p.s. I can't tell you what the movie was about because, I guess, my mind has initated a self-protection mechanism and deleted the memory of what it was about but has strenghened the memory of how bad it was.

[This message has been edited by Paul J. Stiles (edited January 18, 2003).]

You are all so far off base... Metal Storm should win this, hands down! We watched it on fast forward (only because we actually PAID money to see it) and didn't miss a beat of the plot. Although, we did have to rewind and watch the "electrical monster" step in to the pool of water. Almost split something laughing at that!

I think Pearl Harbor must be one of those guilty pleasures that no one admits to. Well I'm here to say my wife and I both liked it, not top 10 or anything but pleasant entertainment. Consider the number of seats and discs the film sold, yet no one admits to liking it...........come on, you can fess up
Mike

I guess I must be in the minority. I thought it was so bad that I didn't even bother to watch the second half of the film. By the time the film got to "please insert disk two" I had had enough.

However I do have a friend who is debating buying it...but not because it's a "good" movie, he considers it one of the best comidies of 2001, and laughed the entire way thought the film.

Maybe that's where the sales are coming from > .

Jason

From what I've heard, the last hour is the only thing worth watching Pearl Harbor. I know a few people that have seen it and they say, "Skip the story and just fast forward to the attack." Sounds like you watched the wrong half, fmcorps.

We have yet to see any of it, but I'm sure we will one day. My wife's biggest problem with watching it is she hates Ben Asscrack. Mine is I just don't care enough about it to go through the hassle.

Actually I think I sat through the wrong 2/3rds of the film. I had to sit through the gawdaweful two hours of :snicker: love story. But even the attack scene felt realy empty. We watch numerous ships explode, but every time one blows up, we se ships personell literally thrown hundred of feet in the air. Now, yes, I realize that when ships blow up real good, bodies will fly, but NONE of these "extras" had any "weight" to them whatsoever. In old movies, at least the "dummies" had some physics behind them, but in pearl harbor it looked like a looney toons cartoon. I'm just getting grumpy in my old age, but watching sailors follow Wiley-E-Cyote physics took a lot of the impact out of the special effects for me.

The other thing that made me nautious was the friggin' 5 second rule that Bay seems to adhere to...namely he cant stay on a shot for more then five seconds before cutting to somewhere else. Yes, in music videos it may work great...but sitting through 3 hours (or in my case 2 hours) of 5 second shots...I just couldn't get "into" the movie.

For example, imagine watching Unforgiven (a new aquisition to my collection) And instead of this:

(2 minutes of footage)
Long panaramic establishing shot of snow covered peaks, slowly we watch as twohorsemen cross the vast vista of Montana, We pan across the horizon and come upon a desolate wooden shack.

We get this:
(2 minutes of footage)
5 seconds cut to horses with mountains in the background
5 seconds cut to Ned Logan's face
5 seconds cut to Ned Logan's Gun
5 seconds cut to Ned Logans Face
5 seconds cut to The Schofield Kid's gun
5 seconds cut to American falg flying by cabin
5 seconds cut to The Schofield Kid's eyes
5 seconds cut to Ned Logans Eyes
5 seconds cut to The Kids Eyes
5 seconds cut to Ned Logans mouth
5 seconds cut to The Kids Horse
5 seconds, pan to mountains
5 seconds, cut to Ned and Kid
5 seconds, cut to ned and kid across mountain
5 seconds, cut to Ned and Kid's back, showing decrepit cabin.
5 seconds, show cabin, with ned and kid in background
5 seconds, ned's eyes
5 seconds, kids guns
5 seconds, horses butt
5 seconds Ned's eyes
5 seconds cabin door

It's tireing just to read through it, I'magine sitting through it for 3 hours.

You think 5 second cuts are bad, watch "Spy Game". It's cutting is so fast that it makes 5 second cuts seem gracefully slow. It gave me a headache so bad that I've never been able to watch the DVD all the way through (it was given to me by a 'friend'). Just because they can make these fast cuts on a computer editor doesn't mean it has to be done!

[This message has been edited by soundhound (edited January 22, 2003).]

By any chance do you have the full frame version of Spy Game ? I got the full frame version by accident (don't you hate that) and I got a headache trying to watch it as well. Fortunately I was able to return it for the widescreen and this version does not bother me.

Nope: I got the widescreen version of "Spy Game" - I dread to think what the full frame version was like!!!!

:in a meager demeanor: but I kind of like spy game....

Hmmmmmm........

LOST IN SPACE

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Philip Hamm

My wife and I saw the funniest, dumbest movie the other night. It was one of those things where I had to watch, just to see how bad it was going to be. It was called "Unholy Rollers"... a 70's roller derby flick... Need I say more?

OK, I will. The story was impossible to follow. We still don't know exactly what happened, or what the movie is about. I tried telling some co-workers about it, and we started laughing histerically at the title alone! "Unholy Rollers"... just terrible.

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Benjamin King
benjaminking@yahoo.com